Don't Look Back in Anger

Do you ever look back at your past and think wow I've been through some stuff. Memory is a strange thing and is not 100% accurate for anybody. Memory can be affected by time, emotion, wellbeing and subjective to change.

Its like an ex partner. At one point you will have thought very fondly of them but after a break up you might tell the story of you never actually liked them at all and with time you might say things were ok but never amazing. Thats three different versions already but if somebody asked you about them when you were tired, loved up with someone else, in a very happy mood then again it would be slightly different. Its not that we lie. Its a way our mind protects us. It can recall a memory and filter it, apply a rose tinted lens or dramatic horror affects depending and give that version.

We've all heard somebody exaggerate a story. "I was chased by a terrifying dog that was frothing at the mouth and its paws were as big as my hands, it must of weighed 6 stone in pure muscle' but that was actually a slobbery labrador that just really starteled them or they don't like dogs. See how it works?

Memories are subject to change and a protective factor at times. Highly emotive times are not always the time to recall difficult memories but sometimes this can't be helped. One way to reframe bad things from the past is to acknowledge them as part of your story or to class them as achievements or things you overcame.

In fact if you are reading this right now it means you have survived every bad thing you ever went through. Yes some left scars and affects that continue over time but you got through. So look how many times you defeated those baddies. You are the hero of your own story, now turn the page.

Much love,

Becky xx

Leg Day

Ever had a panic attack followed by very achey legs? At first I thought it was just me but then I found its actually very common and there's science behind it. The geek in me loves stuff like this!

So when you feel stress the body enters its fight or flight mode. This was amazing back in the days of early man. You hear a mountain lion roar behind you, that stresses you out slightly and your body reacts by running like crazy. Its a built in mechanism that was meant for survival. There's also freeze which in some cases can help too. Another cave man screams 'ah buh argghhh ah' which roughly translates to 'whose in my patch of forest, I'm going to cave your head in with my club', you feel slightly stressed and you freeze. He can't hear you rustling in the bushes and goes back to his hobby ot painting crude drawings of animals on his cave wall. But for those of us with panic disorders and anxiety we have found that that response can trigger when it doesn't quite need to or be overactive in situations that are mildly stressful but don't need a life or death response.

The body preparing to flight will send a surge or adrenaline through the body, especially to our legs that will help us to run. Ever heard someone say I didn't know they could move that fast. They usually mean a person moving or reacting very quickly when startled or in perceived danger. Such as your elderly grandparent with a fear of anything creepy crawly dashing across the kitchen when somebody shouts 'spider'. In that case they have used their adrenaline to protect themself from perceived danger. This is very useful in the body as danger may happen when you are already extremely tired, injured, unwell and less able to move more freely. You don't hear people say I saw the bus coming towards me but I didn't attempt to move because my knees a little sore. Their body takes over to protect them. The same with freeze mode. If somebody shouted poisonous snake and pointed beside you, some people would run and some when stand completely still with fear. They are in freeze mode. And to help with this the body tenses all your muscles. This can also be caused by an adrenaline surge that sits in the muscle making them feel sore later.

As well as adrenaline the body helps you responded by sending oxygen towards your larger muscles, such as your legs, again to make them prepared to take action. As this wears off  the adrenaline and oxygen excesses, you may feel your legs become shakey or weak and people will often refer to this as 'jelly legs.'

Ever hyperventilate when stressed? This too causes an imbalance of carbon dioxide and oxygen in the body which can lead to cramp and tingling especially in the legs. Think of a very out of breath marathon runner, they may start to get cramps.

Regardless of how you react, whether thats run, scream, freeze, faint, whatever that is, your body goes through the same response of prepare for emergency. 

A panic attack or state of stress is actually on par with an intense workout. So muscle cramps, tingly, aching, sweating and fatigue are all very common when you look at what the body was preparing to do. Its survival mode and its natural. Its just that our bodies are receiving danger signals from things that aren't that dangerous. Our perception of danger is shifted by simply having anxiety and having panic disorder means the body cannot sometimes sense what is anxiety inducing and what isn't. We can be so used to being in a state of panic or anxiety that its our baseline and everyday things suddenly become perceived as dangerous. Fun isn't it!

But again what I have learnt from this is I would allow myself to rest after an intense workout and feel proud I got through it. Why should a panic attack be punished? Its the equivalent to smashing leg day.

Much love,

Becky xx