The Pregnancy Series
Our little girl will be due in April and I thought as a first time mummy who has previously suffered with mental illness that I may be able to shed some insights into pregnancy and mental wellbeing. We waited until I felt 'better' and well enough mentally and physically to try for a baby (then left it a little longer just in case.) I worked hard to keep my anxiety under control and depression at bay and still do now to maintain my mental health. For now it's all about maintenance and prevention. With a change in hormones, changes in my body and all those thoughts and worries that first timers have I wanted to talk about how I am caring for my mental health during pregnancy and hopefully others can relate or find some helpful hints in this series of pregnancy related posts
Each topic will set you a small challenge to complete and be open to comments. Mummies-to-be we are in this together and daddies-to-be may find these useful too. Let's talk about all things pregnancy related to our mental health. We can do this!
Mini challenge: you are about to experience the most beautiful journey- name three things you are most looking forward to or are already enjoying about pregnancy
Baby News- the pregnancy series
Finding out you are carrying a beautiful baby can leave you filled with all kinds of emotions, questions and thoughts. You may have been trying for what seems like eternity or be taken completely by surprise when those two little lines appear or the word 'pregnant' flashes on that test. Knowing you are about to take a test can cause anxiety, excitement or feel overwhelming. You pin all your hopes on something while at the same time trying to remain calm and tell yourself maybe not this time. Whatever you are feeling, finding out you are pregnant comes with a responsibility that can leave people in a bit of a dilemma. You know you are pregnant but nobody else does yet!
Taking the Test
Before you find out there is something you may need to consider. Are you going to take the test alone or do you want somebody there with you? Some women like to take the test themselves for many different reasons. You may prefer to do this. Others like their partner to be present. Some women prefer to take the test with their mum, friend, sister or someone they trust. The main thing to remember is that whoever is present will know your news immediately. You may decide that you don't want to tell anyone else for quite some time which means trying not to slip up but also that the other person doesn't slip up or in the excitement start telling a few people. You need to discuss this with them first and let them know your wishes. It's tempting for them to tell someone you don't know thinking it won't matter but news can travel and thanks to social media the unexpected 'congratulations' public message from a distant relative or family friend may appear before you are ready to share the news.
For my first test I did it alone. I had spoken to my husband as we started trying, deciding that I would surprise him with the news after a positive test. I'm glad I took this test too early and it came back as negative. It wasn't a nice feeling but made my mind clear on one thing. If I was going to take a test I wanted him with me. If it was positive we could share that moment together and if it was negative I would have him there. Afterall we are in this together and whatever the test result I would want to talk about it and share my feelings, either way he would be finding out that a test had been positive or negative so why not straight away.
Sharing the News
So you've taken the test, or several, and found out that you're expecting. Now who do you tell and in what order? How do you tell them? Remember that every choice you make about your pregnancy is yours and your partners. Since you are carrying this little wonder you are the majority vote! Consider your partner's feelings and come to an agreement together.
There are a few options you may consider...
Tell a few close friends/immediate family and wait a while to let others know. The pro to this is that you are doing it slowly at your own pace and can enjoy speaking to each person. The con is that people do slip up sometimes whether they mean to or not and it may be possible that when others find out it causes a little tension, thinking they should have been told back when Aunty Sarah was told.
Wait until your 12 week scan to tell people. The pros are that you have made it through your first trimester and this means the chance of miscarriage is greatly reduced. Some people feel this is the 'safe time' to tell people. You also have a cute scan picture to show them! The cons are that you need to keep quiet until the 12 week mark. It may be very obvious to people that you are expecting if you suddenly change habits or constantly leave the room due to morning sickness. You can either tell a few white lies to keep this going but remember you may cause someone concern if you tell them you are feeling unwell and they notice this is lasting a very long time.
Tell everyone as soon as you know. The pro to this is that you've done it! Everyone now knows so you don't need to worry about keeping it secret or the odd trusted friend slipping up. The cons are that, God forbid, you have a miscarriage or for medical reasons need to terminate the pregnancy you then have everybody to tell that you are no longer carrying a baby.
Don't tell anybody and wait for people to start noticing your growing bump. The pros are that there is something quite magical in being the only one that knows about your little wonder and you can take things at your own pace. People aren't overly fussing or constantly trying to give unwanted advice. You can just enjoy knowing. The cons are that you have no support system. If you are finding it tough, have complications or need someone to talk to who would you turn to? You may have your midwife but sometimes there are things you can only discuss with a friend or family member. You may also find a few people become upset that you haven't shared the news with them sooner.
Plan a big surprise event/party. Some people pick a date and plan the big reveal. The pros are that you can invite everyone you want to know and tell them all at once with a big celebration. It will be something you remember and a chance for plenty of photos and videos to capture the moment. The cons are that as people are told to turn up at an event and not sure why they may cancel or you could receive a phone call half an hour before that your best friend or brother is unwell and can't attend. Would you still want to do the announcement if certain people didn't show up? The other con is that if you say to people we want to tell you some exciting news they might guess straight away that you are pregnant and then you have to either say yes I am and spoil the surprise or no I'm not but please still come.
Tell people at a family gathering. Maybe you are all getting together for the holidays or to celebrate another family occasion. The same pros and cons apply as the surprise event/party but also take into consideration the event. Christmas or a big Sunday lunch may be a lovely time to announce you are pregnant to the family but someone's birthday party or a family wedding might be a bad idea. It's somebody else's special day and it may cause conflict if your news steals the thunder! You might want to ask the host if they would mind you announcing your news but remember this person will be the first to know that way.
An online pregnancy announcement or group text. Some opt to tell everyone via social media or a text. The pros are it's an easy way to let everyone know, especially if you don't see people very often or they live far away. The cons are that if somebody doesn't see the message and finds out via someone else they may be upset and it's not the way you planned on letting them know. With social media you can't be sure who else can see the message, for example you may want all your friends and family to know but not your employer who may be a friend of a friend or able to access your posts. Check your privacy settings first and let people know whether they can share the news on their own social media.
Whichever way you choose to announce your pregnancy do what you feel is best for you and your situation. Tell people that you want to know, the ones that love you and that care for you and will wish you the best. If you feel stressed about telling a certain someone or it's causing you anxiety how they might react pick a time that feels right for you, choose your words and decide whether you actually want or need to tell them. If anyone is negative towards your news distance yourself from them as this is the last thing you need. If someone reacts and a way you didn't expect remember you can walk away or finish the phone call after you've had time to let it sink in. The ball is in your court. This baby is coming so people will notice eventually but you can decide who knows, when they find out and how they find out.
Telling Your Employer/Colleagues
You may be overjoyed about telling family and friends but the boss that's always on your back or the colleague you barely tolerate may not be top of your list for sharing your wonderful news! You may be worried that it will affect the way you are treated at work or threaten your role or job opportunities.
My advice would be that if you work in an environment that may be harmful to your baby or that is not pregnancy friendly then tell somebody. You may choose to tell everyone at work but again remember they may take to social media or telling others before you have spoken to family members. You may choose to only tell a supervisor, manager or health and safety rep in strict confidence. I had to tell my manager and work colleagues very early on as I felt very dizzy and had morning sickness. I felt safer that if I did actually pass out or had an accident at work that they would know to tell the first aider/ambulance that I was pregnant and wouldn't think I was being lazy if I needed to sit down for a minute or suddenly stopped doing the heavy lifting.
If you are worried that you're employer may terminate your employment or you may be treated unfairly then find out where you stand before sharing your news. Check your employee handbook or contract and know your rights as a pregnant worker. Government legislation will outline what you are entitled to and the rights you and your employer have.
If you really don't want work to know until it's blatantly obvious then check your handbook and government legislation on when you need to tell your employer by to receive your maternity pay and leave. In the UK it is currently no more than 15 weeks prior to your due date when you must hand in your MATB1 form and the date you wish to leave, but again check any signed agreements, handbooks or contracts you have agreed to with your employer.
Mini Challenge: You may have already told everybody you want to know or be in the process. I hope you are enjoying sharing your news and receiving lots of positivity from those you tell. Your challenge for this post is write a letter to your growing baby or tell your bump what it was like when you found out you were pregnant. This can be something you keep or something you throw away. It's good to acknowledge how you felt when you first found out and how you feel throughout your pregnancy.
Those first scan images are so surreal when you see your little bean appear on the monitor. Again at your 20 week scan you may see your little one stretching, turning and rolling around but you may not yet be able to feel them. This is different for everyone but for first time mamas they say you will feel those first movements between week 16 and week 25. During your midwife appointments and scans you will get to see images of your little one and listen to their heartbeat. Once you get to feel those movements you will very much know that they are in your tummy. But how else can you build that special bond with your bump?
Massage- whether it's putting some tummy butter on your own tummy or letting your partner give you a little massage it's a great way for baby to know your touch. Even in the womb, it is currently believed, that baby will respond to your touch from as little as 16 weeks! By rubbing your tummy you are also getting used to your bodies changing shape and it can feel very comforting especially if your belly is a little tender.
Get chatty- talking to your baby may seem a little strange at first, having a conversation and not getting a reply, but baby loves the sound of your voice. From around 23 weeks babies hearing is developed enough to hear your heartbeat, gurgling in your tummy and your voice. Baby will start to respond to noises outside the womb too such as loud noises, music and other people's voices that are near enough. Daddy can talk to your bump too and with enough interaction baby will learn your voices enough to recognise them as familiar at birth. You can also sing to bump or read them a story, don't worry they aren't old enough to judge whether you can hold a tune or not yet!
Penpals- you might like to keep a pregnancy diary or write a letter to your bump. It's a way to get your thoughts down and help you focus on your little one. It's something you can look back on after birth too.
Kicks- once you can feel your babies kicks it all feels a little more real. React to babies kicks by pressing a hand on the area they are kicking in or start rubbing your belly. This is a good time to talk to your baby and a lovely time to get daddy involved. Cuddle up together and place your hands on your belly. This is bonding for baby and the both of you too. It helps you feel more comfortable with your body and can be an intimate experience as a couple.
Picture perfect- scan photos are a wonderful keepsake. You might want to frame one or set it as your screensaver so you can see your little one everyday. They also make the most special gifts to send to loved ones and this could be how you announce your pregnancy or babies gender to others, sending those cute little pictures. For yourself you may want to take some photos of your growing bump so that you can have them to look back on. It doesn't have to be a celeb style photoshoot you could take a selfie or ask your partner or friend to take a few shots for you.
Know your stuff- there are plenty of books, apps, online videos and websites that keep you up to date on how your little one is developing. A weekly update can make you feel closer to your little one and keep you in the know about your babies development. It can also help put your mind at ease and let you know what the 'norm' is for expecting mums, although again it is very different for each of us.
Share the moment- whoever you feel comfortable with you may want them to share some of these special moments too. Whether it's your mum putting her hand on your tummy, your sister talking to your belly or texting your friend updates on how your little one is doing it's nice to share the moment and involve loved ones where you can.
Enjoy this special time with your little one and spending some quality time with your little bump buddy.
Mini Challenge: set aside 5 minutes a day to spend some time with your bump. It's up to you how you spend that time as long as it's all about you and bump, no distractions.
I've just packed our little girls hospital bag after washing all her clothes, cloths and blankets. It's probably the only time I've loved doing laundry and folding all those tiny little outfits into tiny little drawer dividers. It could be up to 11 weeks before she arrives but knowing that if she comes at any point we can quickly grab all her essentials and have everything ready for when we get home makes me feel prepared and at ease. It's good to think in advance, plan ahead and get on top of things for when your little one comes. Being on the ball can be a great comfort and make you feel as though there isn't a huge list of things to do when everything is finished or prepped ready to go well in advance. It is planning for the future but I want to talk about slowing down to be in the now.
With the complication of 'baby brain' you may find yourself asking 'what was I meant to be doing now' as our mind can often go blank at the most awkward of times, thanks bump! But does your mind often race or wonder? We can often be less than present in our daily lives. How many times have you missed the plot of the movie you're watching because mentally you are somewhere else, trying to remember something or worrying about the future. Our thoughts can be intrusive to our current focus and sometimes rather demanding.
Time is split in past, the present and the future. Although it is important to reflect on the past and hold onto precious memories, the past has been and gone. As organised and comforting as it can be to be prepped and plan for the future, constantly thinking of what's next and what might be can cause stress and worry when in reality the future isn't here yet and is very subject to change. The most important time is now, what is happening right now at this moment, what needs dealing with immediately or in the very near future and for the fun part what do you have the chance of fully enjoying and experiencing at this moment in time. Here are some things to ponder....
The Past
Our perception of the past can be a little warped as over time our minds will naturally add bits, forget others, exaggerate, take into account our emotions and opinions on the matter and depending on our current mood be seen in different lights. On the positive side we can learn from the past and the past can hold wonderful memories. On the negative side we can dwell on the past and let it affect our present and future. We might judge our decisions on something that happened a long time ago and feel a fear of history repeating. The problem is the past cannot be changed, undone or in a lot of cases completely forgotten. They say if you spend too much of your time and energy living in the past you can have a feeling of depression and constantly relive the past by it creeping into the present. It may feel as though you cannot move on from something or that you don't want to move on as you are holding onto something dear you no longer have. If you are living in the past because it seemed so much better for you then this can also be damaging. Those feelings and memories can be remembered with great joy but don't let it make you feel as though it will never be that good again. It is possible, when doing this, to miss all the wonderful things that are happening right now. Reflection is a way of personal growth and a learning tool but being stuck in the past makes us less present, less focused and less able to concentrate on now.
Are you finding it hard to focus on the moment because of something from the past? If it constantly keeps jumping for your attention then it may need addressing before you can move forward. You might need to talk something through with a person or sit down and think about how something made you feel. Writing a letter to yourself can help with this as you can brain dump all your thoughts and feelings out of your mind and onto paper. Somethings are easier to forgive and forget and we can analysis them ourselves. Others need more help. If you cannot move forward from a previous event speak to your midwife, GP or health visitor for help and support. Remember the power of conversation. A cup of tea with a friend and letting everything out may be just what you need to help you move forward.
The Future
The way we see the future can be greatly affected by our past and present. If something bad happened we worry it may play out again. If we are not in a good place at the moment we can see the future as being bleak and remaining this way. We can also feel excited, optimistic and ready to move forward. So much so that we wish time away and want the end result now. A negative view of the future brings anxiety and an over enthusiastic view brings complacency. Backup plans and forward thinking help things run smoothly and having a goal that isn't so rigid can bring a great sense of achievement once it is met, even if it needs to be adapted. I'm thinking of the dream birthing plan in this situation!
You can research and make decisions on the perfect birthing plan only to have it not go that way at all. If you have thought of alternatives for just in case and focus on birthing the baby (in some way or another) more than thinking the birth plan is the only way of making this a happy delivery, then you are less likely to feel disappointment, upset and anxious if and when the plan changes.
The future helps us focus and at some point we do need to look into the future to set goals and help us prepare. Pregnancy is a great example of this way of thinking. You need to project into the future and think of how things might change and what expenses you will have to do this. Some things arise as and when such as waking up to find non of your bras fit or you suddenly have indigestion after meals. Others can wait until the third trimester such as the birthing plan and preparing your home for babies arrival.
You may find to fully focus on what needs doing now and what you are currently experiencing you like to leave everything else to the last minute. You may have demands that take up all of your time and focus constantly. Doing everything at week 38 of pregnancy is risky business so spread things out. Spend a few minutes thinking what you can get done within this month or week and what can't be put off. Make a to do list, give yourself a deadline and do it. It's not the time to spend searching the net for the best primary school your unborn child will attend but it may be only three days away from your deadline to inform your employer of your maternity leave.Once you know what needs doing you can feel more confident about how to spend your time. You can link tasks together to save time, such as doing your food shop straight after your midwife appointment as it's on the way home.
You can also budget. Look at the money you have now, when you will receive more, what you need to save, what you can spend and the things you need to purchase. Look further into the future to make sure you are putting enough by for future expenses. You may be fine working your finances out month to month for now but then find your car insurance is due and you haven't been putting money by previously to cover this.
You can break your larger to do list down into daily to do lists, or set yourself one big task per week to stay on track. Make your lists achievable and give yourself enough time to rest. You may be able to do twenty tasks in one day but will it be at the expense of burning yourself out and then feeling tired or unwell for a few days after? You may finishing everything quickly and choose to get more done in advance but again if you have free time why not spend it on yourself. Relax, rest, treat yourself mama because you deserve it!
After the weekly or monthly planning session that is the thinking part done, we don't need to spend everyday thinking what next and what if. Add immediate tasks to your lists where needed but apart from that you can just do rather than think.
If you would like to read more about being in the moment, you may like Frazzled Book Review
Mini Challenge: Make yourself a to do list for over the next two weeks. Work out what needs doing first or immediately and put those at the top of your list, make note of appointment dates and times, write a few things that could do to be done within the next two weeks (things to keep you on schedule) and write one thing that would put you ahead of schedule at the bottom (it doesn't matter if this has to be carried over to the next list.) Now you have a timeline of to do's work your way through them as and when needed.
Much love,
Becky & Bump xx
Taking the Test
For my first test I did it alone. I had spoken to my husband as we started trying, deciding that I would surprise him with the news after a positive test. I'm glad I took this test too early and it came back as negative. It wasn't a nice feeling but made my mind clear on one thing. If I was going to take a test I wanted him with me. If it was positive we could share that moment together and if it was negative I would have him there. Afterall we are in this together and whatever the test result I would want to talk about it and share my feelings, either way he would be finding out that a test had been positive or negative so why not straight away.
Sharing the News
So you've taken the test, or several, and found out that you're expecting. Now who do you tell and in what order? How do you tell them? Remember that every choice you make about your pregnancy is yours and your partners. Since you are carrying this little wonder you are the majority vote! Consider your partner's feelings and come to an agreement together.
There are a few options you may consider...
Tell a few close friends/immediate family and wait a while to let others know. The pro to this is that you are doing it slowly at your own pace and can enjoy speaking to each person. The con is that people do slip up sometimes whether they mean to or not and it may be possible that when others find out it causes a little tension, thinking they should have been told back when Aunty Sarah was told.
Wait until your 12 week scan to tell people. The pros are that you have made it through your first trimester and this means the chance of miscarriage is greatly reduced. Some people feel this is the 'safe time' to tell people. You also have a cute scan picture to show them! The cons are that you need to keep quiet until the 12 week mark. It may be very obvious to people that you are expecting if you suddenly change habits or constantly leave the room due to morning sickness. You can either tell a few white lies to keep this going but remember you may cause someone concern if you tell them you are feeling unwell and they notice this is lasting a very long time.
Tell everyone as soon as you know. The pro to this is that you've done it! Everyone now knows so you don't need to worry about keeping it secret or the odd trusted friend slipping up. The cons are that, God forbid, you have a miscarriage or for medical reasons need to terminate the pregnancy you then have everybody to tell that you are no longer carrying a baby.
Don't tell anybody and wait for people to start noticing your growing bump. The pros are that there is something quite magical in being the only one that knows about your little wonder and you can take things at your own pace. People aren't overly fussing or constantly trying to give unwanted advice. You can just enjoy knowing. The cons are that you have no support system. If you are finding it tough, have complications or need someone to talk to who would you turn to? You may have your midwife but sometimes there are things you can only discuss with a friend or family member. You may also find a few people become upset that you haven't shared the news with them sooner.
Plan a big surprise event/party. Some people pick a date and plan the big reveal. The pros are that you can invite everyone you want to know and tell them all at once with a big celebration. It will be something you remember and a chance for plenty of photos and videos to capture the moment. The cons are that as people are told to turn up at an event and not sure why they may cancel or you could receive a phone call half an hour before that your best friend or brother is unwell and can't attend. Would you still want to do the announcement if certain people didn't show up? The other con is that if you say to people we want to tell you some exciting news they might guess straight away that you are pregnant and then you have to either say yes I am and spoil the surprise or no I'm not but please still come.
Tell people at a family gathering. Maybe you are all getting together for the holidays or to celebrate another family occasion. The same pros and cons apply as the surprise event/party but also take into consideration the event. Christmas or a big Sunday lunch may be a lovely time to announce you are pregnant to the family but someone's birthday party or a family wedding might be a bad idea. It's somebody else's special day and it may cause conflict if your news steals the thunder! You might want to ask the host if they would mind you announcing your news but remember this person will be the first to know that way.
An online pregnancy announcement or group text. Some opt to tell everyone via social media or a text. The pros are it's an easy way to let everyone know, especially if you don't see people very often or they live far away. The cons are that if somebody doesn't see the message and finds out via someone else they may be upset and it's not the way you planned on letting them know. With social media you can't be sure who else can see the message, for example you may want all your friends and family to know but not your employer who may be a friend of a friend or able to access your posts. Check your privacy settings first and let people know whether they can share the news on their own social media.
Whichever way you choose to announce your pregnancy do what you feel is best for you and your situation. Tell people that you want to know, the ones that love you and that care for you and will wish you the best. If you feel stressed about telling a certain someone or it's causing you anxiety how they might react pick a time that feels right for you, choose your words and decide whether you actually want or need to tell them. If anyone is negative towards your news distance yourself from them as this is the last thing you need. If someone reacts and a way you didn't expect remember you can walk away or finish the phone call after you've had time to let it sink in. The ball is in your court. This baby is coming so people will notice eventually but you can decide who knows, when they find out and how they find out.
Telling Your Employer/Colleagues
You may be overjoyed about telling family and friends but the boss that's always on your back or the colleague you barely tolerate may not be top of your list for sharing your wonderful news! You may be worried that it will affect the way you are treated at work or threaten your role or job opportunities.
My advice would be that if you work in an environment that may be harmful to your baby or that is not pregnancy friendly then tell somebody. You may choose to tell everyone at work but again remember they may take to social media or telling others before you have spoken to family members. You may choose to only tell a supervisor, manager or health and safety rep in strict confidence. I had to tell my manager and work colleagues very early on as I felt very dizzy and had morning sickness. I felt safer that if I did actually pass out or had an accident at work that they would know to tell the first aider/ambulance that I was pregnant and wouldn't think I was being lazy if I needed to sit down for a minute or suddenly stopped doing the heavy lifting.
If you are worried that you're employer may terminate your employment or you may be treated unfairly then find out where you stand before sharing your news. Check your employee handbook or contract and know your rights as a pregnant worker. Government legislation will outline what you are entitled to and the rights you and your employer have.
If you really don't want work to know until it's blatantly obvious then check your handbook and government legislation on when you need to tell your employer by to receive your maternity pay and leave. In the UK it is currently no more than 15 weeks prior to your due date when you must hand in your MATB1 form and the date you wish to leave, but again check any signed agreements, handbooks or contracts you have agreed to with your employer.
Mini Challenge: You may have already told everybody you want to know or be in the process. I hope you are enjoying sharing your news and receiving lots of positivity from those you tell. Your challenge for this post is write a letter to your growing baby or tell your bump what it was like when you found out you were pregnant. This can be something you keep or something you throw away. It's good to acknowledge how you felt when you first found out and how you feel throughout your pregnancy.
Baby Beautiful- the pregnancy series
Growing your little one means you're growing too. Hips are preparing for birth, breasts preparing for feeding and your tummy is going to rapidly grow to make room for your little one. You may gain weight in other areas too, notice swelling in hands and feet and notice your face getting a little more cheeky too. A part from the baby bump I wasn't looking forward to these things and before it happened to me, I couldn't understand how you could love your body changing in that way. As someone who has always been conscious about their looks, I dreaded the thought of my body needing to change so much to carry a baby. I worried how I would feel about visible veins and stretch marks, something I would normally insist on tattooing over to disguise them. I worried I may be left with a body that I may never accept. Would it leave me more self conscious than ever before? Would I spend pregnancy worrying about my own appearance rather than enjoying the experience? Once I felt ready to become a mum I decided that a change in my body would be worth starting a family for. I would see how my body was left after pregnancy and deal with it then. I worried whether I would still be attractive to my husband, who I can now confirm loves my pregnant body. So at the beginning of my third trimester, how do I feel about my body?
My body has taught me a lot over the past few months. During my first few weeks I couldn't wait to get a baby bump. I wanted the world to instantly know I was a mama-to-be. I envisioned the perfect little baby bump and a wardrobe of maternity clothes straight from the movies. It was all very exciting until the day my jeans stopped fastening. Everything felt bloated and uncomfortable. I didn't have my bump yet just a bigger bum and growing boobs, which I didn't like. I felt as though I looked out of proportion and my skin looked grey. On top of my own insecurities people were saying how much I wasn't showing. This made me feel as though I was doing something wrong or that there may be an issue with the growth of my little one. After my 12 week scan and a private scan at 16 weeks I relaxed more. I knew that my body was doing exactly what it should be no matter what shape it was currently in.
For a few weeks I felt awkward and unattractive. Whatever I wore needed loosening or was too uncomfortable to put on. It made me feel like an uncomfortable teen again when you first start to develop. I wanted to hide body and didn't feel like showing my belly off in tighter fitting clothes as people had told me it was small so I thought why bother. I did however feel comfortable at home and would wear crop tops on a night. My husband loved my little belly and of course my growing boobs!
A trip for maternity clothes didn't help matters either. A huge shopping centre that only contained two stockists of maternity wear with very little choice hidden in the back corner of the store. I did manage to find one amazing pair of jeans that made me feel good and ordered a few bits online. It wasn't my dream wardrobe but it was a few bits I could mix and match for work and day wear.
Something wonderful changed around 22 weeks; my baby girl kicked me and kicked hard. I had more of a definite little bump now that I loved to rub and cuddle. It was now clear that I had a baby in my belly. Something that seemed surreal before when we had watched her on the screen but couldn't feel her move.
I had grown used to my new body and all its flaws. The parts I didn't like didn't matter anymore. I would look in the mirror and quite like the reflection. I wasn't looking at my body in a negative way or worrying about what others thought. I was looking at my body as the means allowing me to carry and grow a baby. I knew every change to its appearance was there because of pregnancy.... and maybe extra food!
I now feel comfortable again in my own skin, maybe even more so than before and I feel very grateful. I have always told myself whenever I felt down about my looks to concentrate on the fact that my body is healthy. A luxury many don't have. I told myself not to be vain but I think we all have that desire to look good for ourselves. My love for my growing baby and appreciation for what my body is doing has outgrown my insecurities. Maybe this will change near the end of my third trimester or after birth, I'll update and let you know. But from feeling down on myself to rocking my maternity jeans I think that's quite a turn around. For now I think my body, in it's own flawed little way, is baby beautiful.
Mini Challenge: take a selfie of your bump, something to keep for yourself.
My body has taught me a lot over the past few months. During my first few weeks I couldn't wait to get a baby bump. I wanted the world to instantly know I was a mama-to-be. I envisioned the perfect little baby bump and a wardrobe of maternity clothes straight from the movies. It was all very exciting until the day my jeans stopped fastening. Everything felt bloated and uncomfortable. I didn't have my bump yet just a bigger bum and growing boobs, which I didn't like. I felt as though I looked out of proportion and my skin looked grey. On top of my own insecurities people were saying how much I wasn't showing. This made me feel as though I was doing something wrong or that there may be an issue with the growth of my little one. After my 12 week scan and a private scan at 16 weeks I relaxed more. I knew that my body was doing exactly what it should be no matter what shape it was currently in.
For a few weeks I felt awkward and unattractive. Whatever I wore needed loosening or was too uncomfortable to put on. It made me feel like an uncomfortable teen again when you first start to develop. I wanted to hide body and didn't feel like showing my belly off in tighter fitting clothes as people had told me it was small so I thought why bother. I did however feel comfortable at home and would wear crop tops on a night. My husband loved my little belly and of course my growing boobs!
A trip for maternity clothes didn't help matters either. A huge shopping centre that only contained two stockists of maternity wear with very little choice hidden in the back corner of the store. I did manage to find one amazing pair of jeans that made me feel good and ordered a few bits online. It wasn't my dream wardrobe but it was a few bits I could mix and match for work and day wear.
Something wonderful changed around 22 weeks; my baby girl kicked me and kicked hard. I had more of a definite little bump now that I loved to rub and cuddle. It was now clear that I had a baby in my belly. Something that seemed surreal before when we had watched her on the screen but couldn't feel her move.
I had grown used to my new body and all its flaws. The parts I didn't like didn't matter anymore. I would look in the mirror and quite like the reflection. I wasn't looking at my body in a negative way or worrying about what others thought. I was looking at my body as the means allowing me to carry and grow a baby. I knew every change to its appearance was there because of pregnancy.... and maybe extra food!
I now feel comfortable again in my own skin, maybe even more so than before and I feel very grateful. I have always told myself whenever I felt down about my looks to concentrate on the fact that my body is healthy. A luxury many don't have. I told myself not to be vain but I think we all have that desire to look good for ourselves. My love for my growing baby and appreciation for what my body is doing has outgrown my insecurities. Maybe this will change near the end of my third trimester or after birth, I'll update and let you know. But from feeling down on myself to rocking my maternity jeans I think that's quite a turn around. For now I think my body, in it's own flawed little way, is baby beautiful.
Mini Challenge: take a selfie of your bump, something to keep for yourself.
Baby Bond- the pregnancy series
Massage- whether it's putting some tummy butter on your own tummy or letting your partner give you a little massage it's a great way for baby to know your touch. Even in the womb, it is currently believed, that baby will respond to your touch from as little as 16 weeks! By rubbing your tummy you are also getting used to your bodies changing shape and it can feel very comforting especially if your belly is a little tender.
Get chatty- talking to your baby may seem a little strange at first, having a conversation and not getting a reply, but baby loves the sound of your voice. From around 23 weeks babies hearing is developed enough to hear your heartbeat, gurgling in your tummy and your voice. Baby will start to respond to noises outside the womb too such as loud noises, music and other people's voices that are near enough. Daddy can talk to your bump too and with enough interaction baby will learn your voices enough to recognise them as familiar at birth. You can also sing to bump or read them a story, don't worry they aren't old enough to judge whether you can hold a tune or not yet!
Penpals- you might like to keep a pregnancy diary or write a letter to your bump. It's a way to get your thoughts down and help you focus on your little one. It's something you can look back on after birth too.
Kicks- once you can feel your babies kicks it all feels a little more real. React to babies kicks by pressing a hand on the area they are kicking in or start rubbing your belly. This is a good time to talk to your baby and a lovely time to get daddy involved. Cuddle up together and place your hands on your belly. This is bonding for baby and the both of you too. It helps you feel more comfortable with your body and can be an intimate experience as a couple.
Picture perfect- scan photos are a wonderful keepsake. You might want to frame one or set it as your screensaver so you can see your little one everyday. They also make the most special gifts to send to loved ones and this could be how you announce your pregnancy or babies gender to others, sending those cute little pictures. For yourself you may want to take some photos of your growing bump so that you can have them to look back on. It doesn't have to be a celeb style photoshoot you could take a selfie or ask your partner or friend to take a few shots for you.
Know your stuff- there are plenty of books, apps, online videos and websites that keep you up to date on how your little one is developing. A weekly update can make you feel closer to your little one and keep you in the know about your babies development. It can also help put your mind at ease and let you know what the 'norm' is for expecting mums, although again it is very different for each of us.
Share the moment- whoever you feel comfortable with you may want them to share some of these special moments too. Whether it's your mum putting her hand on your tummy, your sister talking to your belly or texting your friend updates on how your little one is doing it's nice to share the moment and involve loved ones where you can.
Enjoy this special time with your little one and spending some quality time with your little bump buddy.
Mini Challenge: set aside 5 minutes a day to spend some time with your bump. It's up to you how you spend that time as long as it's all about you and bump, no distractions.
Baby Calm- the pregnancy series
There are many things that may cause you to worry or feel anxious during pregnancy. It's a whole new experience and you may not know what to expect. Even if you have put in some masters degree style research and quizzed everyone you know with a baby, everybody is different and you may experience things that aren't quite textbook. Being in the know is a great way to ease anxiety when things occur along the way but too much information can overload you with all the what if's and worries. I would recommend knowing warning signs that something isn't right. This way you can quickly act upon them and seek medical advice or attention but sometimes it's the littlest of things that can bring us worry too.
"Am I doing this right?"
Know the do's and don'ts of pregnancy. What not to eat, drink, put on or in your body. What may cause you or baby harm. How to properly lift, stretch, exercise, sleep and rest during each trimester. Your midwife will talk you through this and whatever you are unsure of you can always check first. For example if you need medication or want to take part in an activity. If your not sure then don't do it just to be on the safe side. If something feels awkward, uncomfortable or just 'not quite right' then rely on what your body is trying to tell you. Mama knows best right!
"Is that normal"
Probably! All kind of weird and wonderful things happen to your body during pregnancy. Once you know the warning signs you will know what needs urgent attention and for everything else you can always ask your midwife, mums group, friend or GP. Remember there is no need to feel embarrassed and let something bother you. There are no silly questions and you probably will want to know something that has been asked a million times by other pregnant women. There are ways of finding out things privately but use trusted sources such as the NHS website. Please don't get sucked into typing things into search engines and clicking on any link as you don't know whether the information is correct.
"What if..."
Some what if's are good to think about when it comes to writing your birth plan or talking to your partner about finances and your health. Others are not so helpful. We cannot predict the future and sometimes you may get a sudden awful thought of what if something went wrong. Although we can somewhat prepare ourselves spending too much time in the future takes us away from the present. Should we dwell on the what if's? No. If it isn't actually happening or you haven't been told there is a high chance of it happening then it does not deserve your time and energy to worry about. We all know the saying "stress isn't good for the baby" but isn't good for baby, mum-to-be, dad-to-be or anybody really!
"This is overwhelming"
Whenever you feel anxious please remember this: Living in the past holds you back instead of helping you move forward, the future hasn't happened yet and cannot be predicted and what is happening right now is what you should focus on the most. If the present isn't so great know that it doesn't last forever. Storms pass. If you feel it is too much talk to whoever you can about it and let out your worries in a positive way.
"I can't cope with this"
Speak to your midwife and/or health visitor. Be as open as you can about your feelings and know that they are there to help and support you. You may prefer to speak to your GP but whatever you do reach out for help and advice. In the meantime speak to someone you love and trust. There is nothing wrong with asking for some support. Sometimes a hug and a chat over a cup of tea can make it feel as though the world has lifted off your shoulders.
Mini Challenge: find your mantra... A mantra is a chant (or sacred prayer/verbal meditation in Hinduism) that helps you focus and remain positive. It is a saying you can repeat that brings you a sense of calm and/or determination. Something that keeps you motivated. Whenever things feel too much or to set you up for the day you can say your mantra. What words do you need to hear from yourself right now? What will be your pregnancy mantra?
Baby Boost- the pregnancy series
Pregnancy may cause you to feel a little deflated at times. Although a wonderful feeling it can have its downs as well as the ups. You can become irritable, uncomfortable, fed up or a little low in mood at times thanks to those pesky hormonal changes. It's common to feel worn out too especially if you are struggling to sleep. So how can you lift your mood during pregnancy? Let's bring back some calmness and general happiness to those mamas to be!
Well Balanced Diet
Feeling sluggish, bloated or lacking in energy (although common in pregnancy) may also be down to diet. Are you getting enough nutrients and eating a balanced diet? I'm not the greatest at this at all! All I want is carbs, which although they are a great energy boost, your body needs each food group to get the right fuel it needs. Your midwife or health visitor can help you with your diet throughout pregnancy and as a new mummy to make sure you are both healthy and happy.
Just Keep Swimming
You may have been told by your midwife that you are safe to carry on with your current fitness regime or activity which is a great way to help boost your mood. Alternatively a safe way to exercise while pregnant, even if you didn't before, is to swim. It will boost chemicals in your brain to make you feel happier and more relaxed and gives you an energy boost. You can make swimming as intense or relaxed as you like to meet your needs. The water takes pressure off your joints and back, especially when you have a big bump to carry around. You can choose the time of day you prefer and whether you want to go alone or with a friend. Some local pools offer an antenatal swim class that you may enjoy.
STRETCH!!!
Speaking of exercise do you have a local antenatal yoga class? It might be an option you'd like to try. Speak to the instructor to begin with if you are struggling with any joint pains or certain movements. Let them know to what level you have practised yoga before or if you are a complete beginner. A good instructor will tailor the class to each individual and give you alternatives to positions. Most importantly listen to your body and if something doesn't feel right, causes discomfort or you feel unsteady then stop.
Some Me Time
Take some time just for you. Indulge yourself! Whether you want to buy yourself a little treat, pamper yourself in the bath, spend some time doing your hair and makeup, go for a walk in the park, meditate, sit with a book and a cup of tea, watch your favourite film.... whatever it is make that slot of time all about you. Think of something you enjoy doing and make some uninterrupted time for it. Treat yourself!
Talk It Through
If you feel low, stressed, worried or like your pregnancy is a struggle then let it all out! Write it in a diary, phone a friend or invite someone round for a good chat. Whatever makes it feel like everything is off your chest.
Indulgent Pregnancy Perks
A bump photoshoot, a pregnancy massage, a bump casting, a baby shower, a 4D scan, bump body painting... none of these are a necessity and most aren't cheap either but they are indulgent treats that you can only do whilst pregnant. For myself there's a high chance that this little one will be my only baby so I think why not. If you have the spare cash and really want to indulge in one of these then go for it mama!
Quality Time/ Date Night
Whether it's a group of friends, a family member, your partner or your best friend why not have a date night together. See a movie, walk the dog, have brunch, spend time in the salon, go on a shopping spree for baby necessities, visit a museum.... whatever is 'your thing' to do together why not go do it. You'll end the day smiling and relaxed.
Hug It Out
I've said it before in this post on cuddles read The Power Of Cuddles here and I'll say it again, sometimes the best mood booster is to have a hug!
Call The Midwife
If you feel you are struggling with low mood, stress, anxiety, fatigue then please speak to your midwife, health visitor or GP as soon as possible. They are there to support and advise, not to judge, and the sooner you address this the easier it will be to help combat.
Mini Challenge: pick something that makes you feel truly happy (no matter how small) and schedule it in for sometime in the next few days. Treat yourself, you deserve it!
Well Balanced Diet
Feeling sluggish, bloated or lacking in energy (although common in pregnancy) may also be down to diet. Are you getting enough nutrients and eating a balanced diet? I'm not the greatest at this at all! All I want is carbs, which although they are a great energy boost, your body needs each food group to get the right fuel it needs. Your midwife or health visitor can help you with your diet throughout pregnancy and as a new mummy to make sure you are both healthy and happy.
Just Keep Swimming
You may have been told by your midwife that you are safe to carry on with your current fitness regime or activity which is a great way to help boost your mood. Alternatively a safe way to exercise while pregnant, even if you didn't before, is to swim. It will boost chemicals in your brain to make you feel happier and more relaxed and gives you an energy boost. You can make swimming as intense or relaxed as you like to meet your needs. The water takes pressure off your joints and back, especially when you have a big bump to carry around. You can choose the time of day you prefer and whether you want to go alone or with a friend. Some local pools offer an antenatal swim class that you may enjoy.
STRETCH!!!
Speaking of exercise do you have a local antenatal yoga class? It might be an option you'd like to try. Speak to the instructor to begin with if you are struggling with any joint pains or certain movements. Let them know to what level you have practised yoga before or if you are a complete beginner. A good instructor will tailor the class to each individual and give you alternatives to positions. Most importantly listen to your body and if something doesn't feel right, causes discomfort or you feel unsteady then stop.
Some Me Time
Take some time just for you. Indulge yourself! Whether you want to buy yourself a little treat, pamper yourself in the bath, spend some time doing your hair and makeup, go for a walk in the park, meditate, sit with a book and a cup of tea, watch your favourite film.... whatever it is make that slot of time all about you. Think of something you enjoy doing and make some uninterrupted time for it. Treat yourself!
Talk It Through
If you feel low, stressed, worried or like your pregnancy is a struggle then let it all out! Write it in a diary, phone a friend or invite someone round for a good chat. Whatever makes it feel like everything is off your chest.
Indulgent Pregnancy Perks
A bump photoshoot, a pregnancy massage, a bump casting, a baby shower, a 4D scan, bump body painting... none of these are a necessity and most aren't cheap either but they are indulgent treats that you can only do whilst pregnant. For myself there's a high chance that this little one will be my only baby so I think why not. If you have the spare cash and really want to indulge in one of these then go for it mama!
Quality Time/ Date Night
Whether it's a group of friends, a family member, your partner or your best friend why not have a date night together. See a movie, walk the dog, have brunch, spend time in the salon, go on a shopping spree for baby necessities, visit a museum.... whatever is 'your thing' to do together why not go do it. You'll end the day smiling and relaxed.
Hug It Out
I've said it before in this post on cuddles read The Power Of Cuddles here and I'll say it again, sometimes the best mood booster is to have a hug!
Call The Midwife
If you feel you are struggling with low mood, stress, anxiety, fatigue then please speak to your midwife, health visitor or GP as soon as possible. They are there to support and advise, not to judge, and the sooner you address this the easier it will be to help combat.
Mini Challenge: pick something that makes you feel truly happy (no matter how small) and schedule it in for sometime in the next few days. Treat yourself, you deserve it!
Baby Now- the pregnancy series
With the complication of 'baby brain' you may find yourself asking 'what was I meant to be doing now' as our mind can often go blank at the most awkward of times, thanks bump! But does your mind often race or wonder? We can often be less than present in our daily lives. How many times have you missed the plot of the movie you're watching because mentally you are somewhere else, trying to remember something or worrying about the future. Our thoughts can be intrusive to our current focus and sometimes rather demanding.
Time is split in past, the present and the future. Although it is important to reflect on the past and hold onto precious memories, the past has been and gone. As organised and comforting as it can be to be prepped and plan for the future, constantly thinking of what's next and what might be can cause stress and worry when in reality the future isn't here yet and is very subject to change. The most important time is now, what is happening right now at this moment, what needs dealing with immediately or in the very near future and for the fun part what do you have the chance of fully enjoying and experiencing at this moment in time. Here are some things to ponder....
The Past
Our perception of the past can be a little warped as over time our minds will naturally add bits, forget others, exaggerate, take into account our emotions and opinions on the matter and depending on our current mood be seen in different lights. On the positive side we can learn from the past and the past can hold wonderful memories. On the negative side we can dwell on the past and let it affect our present and future. We might judge our decisions on something that happened a long time ago and feel a fear of history repeating. The problem is the past cannot be changed, undone or in a lot of cases completely forgotten. They say if you spend too much of your time and energy living in the past you can have a feeling of depression and constantly relive the past by it creeping into the present. It may feel as though you cannot move on from something or that you don't want to move on as you are holding onto something dear you no longer have. If you are living in the past because it seemed so much better for you then this can also be damaging. Those feelings and memories can be remembered with great joy but don't let it make you feel as though it will never be that good again. It is possible, when doing this, to miss all the wonderful things that are happening right now. Reflection is a way of personal growth and a learning tool but being stuck in the past makes us less present, less focused and less able to concentrate on now.
Are you finding it hard to focus on the moment because of something from the past? If it constantly keeps jumping for your attention then it may need addressing before you can move forward. You might need to talk something through with a person or sit down and think about how something made you feel. Writing a letter to yourself can help with this as you can brain dump all your thoughts and feelings out of your mind and onto paper. Somethings are easier to forgive and forget and we can analysis them ourselves. Others need more help. If you cannot move forward from a previous event speak to your midwife, GP or health visitor for help and support. Remember the power of conversation. A cup of tea with a friend and letting everything out may be just what you need to help you move forward.
The Future
The way we see the future can be greatly affected by our past and present. If something bad happened we worry it may play out again. If we are not in a good place at the moment we can see the future as being bleak and remaining this way. We can also feel excited, optimistic and ready to move forward. So much so that we wish time away and want the end result now. A negative view of the future brings anxiety and an over enthusiastic view brings complacency. Backup plans and forward thinking help things run smoothly and having a goal that isn't so rigid can bring a great sense of achievement once it is met, even if it needs to be adapted. I'm thinking of the dream birthing plan in this situation!
You can research and make decisions on the perfect birthing plan only to have it not go that way at all. If you have thought of alternatives for just in case and focus on birthing the baby (in some way or another) more than thinking the birth plan is the only way of making this a happy delivery, then you are less likely to feel disappointment, upset and anxious if and when the plan changes.
The future helps us focus and at some point we do need to look into the future to set goals and help us prepare. Pregnancy is a great example of this way of thinking. You need to project into the future and think of how things might change and what expenses you will have to do this. Some things arise as and when such as waking up to find non of your bras fit or you suddenly have indigestion after meals. Others can wait until the third trimester such as the birthing plan and preparing your home for babies arrival.
You may find to fully focus on what needs doing now and what you are currently experiencing you like to leave everything else to the last minute. You may have demands that take up all of your time and focus constantly. Doing everything at week 38 of pregnancy is risky business so spread things out. Spend a few minutes thinking what you can get done within this month or week and what can't be put off. Make a to do list, give yourself a deadline and do it. It's not the time to spend searching the net for the best primary school your unborn child will attend but it may be only three days away from your deadline to inform your employer of your maternity leave.Once you know what needs doing you can feel more confident about how to spend your time. You can link tasks together to save time, such as doing your food shop straight after your midwife appointment as it's on the way home.
You can also budget. Look at the money you have now, when you will receive more, what you need to save, what you can spend and the things you need to purchase. Look further into the future to make sure you are putting enough by for future expenses. You may be fine working your finances out month to month for now but then find your car insurance is due and you haven't been putting money by previously to cover this.
You can break your larger to do list down into daily to do lists, or set yourself one big task per week to stay on track. Make your lists achievable and give yourself enough time to rest. You may be able to do twenty tasks in one day but will it be at the expense of burning yourself out and then feeling tired or unwell for a few days after? You may finishing everything quickly and choose to get more done in advance but again if you have free time why not spend it on yourself. Relax, rest, treat yourself mama because you deserve it!
After the weekly or monthly planning session that is the thinking part done, we don't need to spend everyday thinking what next and what if. Add immediate tasks to your lists where needed but apart from that you can just do rather than think.
If you would like to read more about being in the moment, you may like Frazzled Book Review
Mini Challenge: Make yourself a to do list for over the next two weeks. Work out what needs doing first or immediately and put those at the top of your list, make note of appointment dates and times, write a few things that could do to be done within the next two weeks (things to keep you on schedule) and write one thing that would put you ahead of schedule at the bottom (it doesn't matter if this has to be carried over to the next list.) Now you have a timeline of to do's work your way through them as and when needed.
Much love,
Becky & Bump xx
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