Delayed Emotions

This might only be me that does this or it might be more common than I think but does anyone else have delayed emotions?

A lot of the time I go through the motions but with no emotion. Whether it's an argument that I start for no reason, a sad song or happy news I can still feel very numb about it. 

Yesterday I started an argument with someone I love and didn't even realise they were really upset about it until someone else pointed it out. I apologised because I knew that's what I should do but still felt nothing. It was like I was totally detached from the situation and the other person, even though I love them.

It wasn't until today whilst I was at work that I suddenly felt the emotions. Probably around 24 hours too late. I was upset that I had argued. I was really upset that I had hurt them like that. I was annoyed at myself for not realising what I was doing at the time. I felt guilty for everything. I'm used to the numb feeling happening and going through the motions of things but not this delay. 

I find it hard in these situations too because whoever that was inside me yesterday that acted like that WAS NOT me. So do I apologise for my illness? I apologised for arguing but what about the complete lack of empathy or feelings? I explained I feel like this sometimes and it's not me but I can't say I'm sorry for being ill. That would mean I have some sort of choice and control in the matter and I didn't. I'm sorry it happened though, very sorry.

I don't know the reason for it and there's no excuse. I just know that yesterday was depressed Becky talking and I'm really annoyed with her for making an appearance.

Much love,
Becky xx

Foul Mouthed Blogger

I won't be dropping the F bomb but we will be talking about swearing. What does it have to do with my blog? It's the link that has been made between swearing and stress relief and swearing and pain relief that I want to share with you.

I Swear I'm Stressed!

Psychologists from the Keele University in England found that swearing is a way we can cope with emotion and vent it. They found that when you become frustrated it can be one of the best ways to get it out of your system. They even discovered that the more frustrated you are the more likely you are to come out with a variety of swear words, so you could get quite creative with your cursing.

I Swear That Hurt!

Although unsure on how it helps there has been research that shows swearing when we are in pain can help to reduce the pain we feel and help us endure lasting pain. Apparently if you constantly swear anyway then it doesn't work as well because the curse word becomes just another word to you. But if like me people look honestly shocked when you let out a swear word then this could work well! So next time you drop something on your foot, get a papercut or even have a tattoo, be safe in the knowledge that you can let out a bad word for your own good. Maybe not in front of children, so you may have to mutter or mouth the word instead and definitely not in front of my Great Grandma or you will be in more pain from the smacked legs you'll get!

Do I Swear?

Yes and no. I still get that naughty feeling if I swear in front of anyone during conversation and I rarely swear. I might say it as a joke but always feel as though it's something I shouldn't do. Now when frustrated or in pain, that is a totally different kettle of fish! 

When driving and someone cuts me off they get full barrelled insults, when annoyed the F word becomes an adjective and a noun and if I hurt myself then usually one word gets repeated until the pain dies down. In these cases I don't feel bad about it at all. I find it almost unbearable not to swear in one of these occasions where I know I can't be a foul-mouthed sailor for a moment, such as in front of children. It actually becomes painful not to let it out, and sometimes saying "oh sugar" just doesn't cut it.

Choose your words and moments wisely!

Much love,
Becky xx