Mental Health Labels

Does anybody else feel as though they have been given a label? I really struggle with this topic. Through medical diagnoses I have been given the following labels...

• bereavement
• depression
• anxiety disorder
• chemical imbalance
• mental break down
• stressed

And through non professionals I have been labelled...

• highly sensitive person
• traits of bipolar disorder
• weak and oversensitive

Now which of these do I agree with? I was bereaved but coping with it in my own way, I am quite a sensitive person and feel stress and pressure probably more than the majority, I have anxiety which I see as mild, I have had a mental break down, it felt as though something was imbalanced in both my mind and body. I am not 'weak' and never have been. But do these labels really matter?

For those seeking a medical diagnosis, treatment, therapy, counselling then yes you do need a label. To receive the best possible care and help you need an exact diagnoses, something more precise than anxiety such as social anxiety, therefore you need a correct and accurate label. So after the diagnosis and received treatment do we still need the label?

As you know I don't have a problem with telling anyone that I have anxiety and depression. I will talk about bereavement openly and admit I am highly sensitive sometimes. I have no problem explaining about how I felt during my breakdown and I know I am easily stressed out and overwhelmed at times. Sometimes these labels are useful. They have helped me make connections with people and can sometimes explain to others how or why I may do things. They also help me analysis myself and know my own needs better.

But labels can also be very misleading and misunderstood. 

I accept that I have depression but sometimes I speak to others who are in the same 'depressed' label group as me and see that we are very, very different. I often think I'm not as depressed as others or don't always relate to how others describe their depression. The same goes for anxiety. This can seem confusing and make me feel a bit of an outsider in my own 'group' at times.

And it's not just how I see myself. It's how others see me too. I have spoken to others about depression and they have linked it to meaning that I must have been suicidal. They have mistaken anxiety for phobias. They have often decided that bereavement and depression are the same and they are very different. They have compared me to a celeb or friend who also have a mental illness and presumed that I must be exactly the same. Even if it's a different mental illness. They have their own beliefs that dictates what my mental illness must say about me. The may class all mental illnesses as being the same or base them on something they have seen in a film.

It's this side of labels that are dangerous. Mental illness like all illnesses can fall onto a spectrum. People can have the same mental illness but be at a different stage of that illness, cope with it differently, have different feelings and attitudes towards it. We are still a person and that makes us very unique in all aspects of our lives. We are all different. There maybe similarities between one mentally ill person to the next with the same illness but they will never be identical.

Much love,

Becky xx

A War Before Breakfast

It's exhausting being me sometimes... as much as I love being me I find myself very hard to live with! 

My mood swings and emotions are all over the place sometimes. Within an hour I can feel so exhausted I find it hard to speak, get annoyed over little things, perk up a little, become quite hyper and bubbly then a little confused and all this repeats and shuffles and intensifies and crashes within a matter of minutes. All for no reason or explanation. Although I act this way I may have no idea why I'm annoyed or why I'm hyper. There is still a numbness and void of internal emotions but the outside is doing it's own thing. There's no connection between feelings, emotions and expression. Yet I have moments where the numbness and emotional void leave me feeling empty and it shows on the outside. I do nothing. I look sad. I have no energy.

I've found ways of coping with this and putting up with it. I've found a way of hiding it too. I'm an incredible actress sometimes, through no choice of my own. It's as though my mind overcompensates. Sometimes I can be overly happy and hyper because I'm feeling upset, lost or anxious. Other times I seem quiet and calm but inside I'm crumbling under the pressure. Yet when I wake up the mornings are hard. This seems to be the time of day when I can't act. I can get to work full of anxiety and feel an angsty misery but as soon as I get going I'm OK.

I think that's the thing that people forget sometimes though. They see me working, being in a crowd, out at events, even performing on stage and presume I must be OK now. But have no idea how hard it can be to get out of bed and leave my home. Waking up from a bad night's sleep with nearly every night involving nightmares. The anxiety and panic I have over the day ahead. The upset of having to see myself in the mirror. Choking whilst brushing my teeth because of the sickness I feel. The fact I check my door handle over and over then have to talk myself out of driving back home to check it again. They see me turn up, smile and get on with my day but I've already fought a war before breakfast.

Much love,
Becky xx