Of a memory I had that will always last,
It was the first Christmas Day in my own home with my husband and the third I'd spent without my Dad when he came to say hello.
Me and my husband had woken up early and had breakfast together. My mum arrived and we opened our gifts and read our cards that came with them. I was so grateful and slightly overwhelmed, as I often get when I'm given gifts. I love Christmas and was full of joy and excitement but there's always a little grey cloud that appears on special occasions. You see as wonderful as presents are and heartfelt messages they don't distract from knowing that someone is missing.
I miss my dad all year round but some days it's more noticeable that he's not with us. He's with me always in heart and mind but if only he could have been with us for Christmas. There were three of us for Christmas lunch but I'd put out four chairs. Many people leave out a spare chair or set an extra place for loved ones who have passed to join them or as a memory of those who can't be there.
My husband and mum had sat at the table and I'd gone upstairs for some reason before serving up lunch. Out of the window my husband and mum saw a little robin looking at them from the kitchen window sill. They shouted for me to come see but thought the robin had flown away before I got a chance to see him. I had seen him though. I'd gone to the spare bedroom window and looked out just as the robin had landed on our garden wall. He tilted his head and looked straight at me for a moment. I had a surreal feeling that I'd felt a few times before and said "hi Dad." The little robin titled his head, chirped and flew away.
It was a lovely moment and made me feel bright for the rest of the day. You see some people believe that robins, feathers and butterflies are signs that an angel is near. I'm one of those people. I know some may not believe in this sort of thing but I like to. I often see rainbows on special occasions and when I need cheering up. Sometimes I find feathers in my home and it makes me smile. Crows fascinate me and the tale of them being the carriers of souls. The little robin really made my Christmas too.
I don't know whether there are angels or heaven or an afterlife. I don't know if we get signs from loved ones who have passed or whether they can communicate with us. I just know that sometimes I see little wonderful moments and feel that my Dad is with me. It's my thing. Maybe I look for these moments and presume it's a hello from my Dad when it's just coincidence. But even if it is it's still a beautiful feeling and whatever you believe in that can make you smile is worth believing in. These little moments make bereavement a little easier for me and I'm going to choose to believe in them. So to me that little robin was a little bit of Christmas magic and a message from my angel.
Much love,
Becky xx
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