Saturday, February 04, 2017

Complimentary Science

"You are beautiful." 
"Your work is amazing." 
"You've achieved so much." 
"Good job." 
"I like your top." 

Anybody getting uncomfortable yet or are you just enjoying these?! Today I'm setting you a mini challenge: say out loud a compliment to yourself and then compliment someone else.

People who are motivated will achieve more, complain less, feel a pride in their work and generally feel more able to complete tasks, whether they be at work or school or just generally in daily life. Compliments are what our brains see as social rewards, they are like a payment for your contribution. We all know when we are doing something well and receiving a compliment affirms that and shows appreciation of our efforts.

Researchers at the University of Tokyo, Nagoya Institute of Technology and the National Institute of Physiological Sciences found that when we receive a personalised and individual compliment whilst performing a task that we will perform better than those that don't. Teachers and tutors know this works well too. Leaving an individual comment on pieces of work or a positive comment can help both children and adults to have a boost in confidence and focus on their work, as well as building relations and giving them a little buzz of happiness.

So whether it be your staff, children, partner, workforce give them a personalised compliment to show your gratitude and acknowledgement of their good work.

Boost Mood
By complimenting others or the things around us we automatically give ourselves a mood boost as we are noticing the good, positive and beauty around us. BUT when our compliments are knocked back e.g. you: "your hair looks great" them: "it's not the colour I wanted, can you see it's all dull" then this takes away any positivity. It leaves us feeling negative and in a way makes us feel as though we are wrong or made a poor judgement. If we still believe we are right it can feel confrontational.

Giving and receiving compliments is a social skill that can build relationships, so next time someone compliments you smile and say thank you or even better compliment them back. Absorb the compliment. Someone might say something lovely to you and inside you want to respond with "I don't think so" but don't. Leave the negativity silenced, take in the compliments and feel the positivity. 

Build Relationships
If you have a friend, partner, child, colleague that's unconfident or can be negative to themselves make a big deal of complimenting them on themselves and the things they do. Small children love positive reinforcement and that doesn't change much as we grow older.

It's just nice too! When people are sincere and say something nice to us we automatically feel drawn to them and more comfortable. OK so we've all had a creepy compliment or one that's made us uneasy but that's not the majority.

Be Positive
Feelings of low self-worth, negativity, low self-esteem, lack of trust and feeling a pressure to live up to others expectations are all reasons why some people can find receiving a compliment so awkward. If they are upset about the appearance of their home and somebody says it looks nice it feels like a lie or sarcasm, they also might of wanted to not have attention drawn to it. So how do we overcome this? 

Compliment yourself! Each morning when you brush your teeth think of one thing you like about your appearance and one thing you like about your home. When you go to bed think of one thing you did that day that you thought went well. No matter how small these positive comments will build up and give you that little bit more confidence. You can also do things that you know you are good at to give you that little boost. If you are a brilliant singer then sing and focus on how it makes you feel knowing you have done something well. We all have strengths and weaknesses and if you can feel good about your strengths you are more likely to challenge your weaknesses.

Much love,
Becky xx


Steven Williams said...

I wish I could find or even believe the good in myself. I'm excellent in finding the bad in myself and I'm sure I make worse then it really is

Becky said...

Everyone is hard on themselves. We're all evolved from pessimists, that's how cave men stayed alive by doubting everything and suspecting the worse. I'm sure you have lots of good points and strengths :)

Linda said...

Becky, this is such a great post. For myself, focusing on the positive, taking long walks in nature and spending time with my cat and good friends helps a lot. :)

Becky said...

Thank you, I'm glad you have found what works best for you. Pets are amazing little gifts. My dog helps me so much too and going camping