Splish Splash I'm Taking A Bath

After a road trip today I came home rather tired and had a lovely bath. I felt so much better after it. It got me thinking about a link that has been made to depression and neglecting personal hygiene. Many people will know this stage of depression. In my first few weeks I'm afraid to say that I was a complete mess due to this.

My hair became knotted and greasy as I hadn't brushed or washed it. I brushed my teeth once a day at the most and some days just gargled mouthwash instead which made my gums bleed and red. I used baby wipes instead of having a bath and really struggled to eat and drink a decent amount. I also used to get to the point that it was so physically painful to hold in a wee that only then would I go to the toilet and leave my bed.

With my husband's help I'd have a bath. The bath made me feel quite vulnerable, I'm not sure why but I didn't like being in it. My husband had helped me getting in and out as I felt very weak and dizzy at this time. I just wanted to be wrapped in a towel in the bath and sleep. I was so tired. I washed my hair a little but it really took all my energy. My husband helped dry me and I put on my pj's and went back to lie down with soaking wet hair. I never got around to drying my hair and just needed to rest.

It wasn't that I couldn't be bothered or didn't care. It made me feel worse that I was such a mess and yes I had noticed. I just had no energy and wanted to be laid down. My head felt too heavy for my body, I was dizzy and tired, I was in pain and I kept losing my balance. What a state!

So why would I want to tell you this? I'm disappointed and embarrassed in myself by this but I'm not ashamed. It's a common stage of depression that I have heard many people talk about. I wanted you to know that you are not alone for the people that have experienced this. I wanted to end stigma and talk about mental health issues honestly no matter how embarrassing I find a subject. I want you to know that mental illness sucks but it does get better.

Much love,
Becky xx

10 Ways To Get Intimacy Back

Let's get personal! Mental illness, mood changes and stressful situations can put strains on relationships. Depression and anxiety and the medication that goes with them can also lower your sex drive. Along with your partner seeing you go through something so tough and in most cases while you are pushing them away, it can get hard for both of you. A strong relationship will survive and in time you will feel close again, if not even closer for going through a tough time together. So how can you make sure you're still being intimate with you partner without the pressure of having sex?

1. "I love you"- are you still telling your partner that you love and appreciate them? Sometimes actions speak louder than words but make sure you are vocal about how you feel either verbally, in a text, in a letter
2. turn the tv off and put down your phone- cuddle up on the sofa together even if it's in silence and just be together without any distractions- a conversation might begin or you might just sit in silence holding hands
3. do the small things together- whether it's the washing up or doing the grocery shop together you're working as a team and helping each other out
4. pillow time- lay together in bed and look into each other's eyes- this can get emotional for some people when times are tough and you can see sadness in someone's eyes but it helps you feel connected
5. sleeping positions- laying back to back, cuddling up, hooking your legs, anything that's close and skin to skin is always more intimate and can be comforting
6. the magic cup of tea- small gestures when you're at your worst mean so much to the other person and if they know how you're feeling they'll appreciate the effort it took
7. backrubs- you don't have to be an expert at massage, rubbing someone's back can be really comforting
8. sharing is caring- it;s built into us by animal instinct that if someone shares food with you then they care for you, sharing food, drink, your pillow, a blanket, your hoody are all little ways to say "I want you to have this too"
9. opening up- trying your best to explain how you feel, sharing a thought or a memory, being vulnerable in conversation are all ways to build a connection with a loving partner
10. love taps- the slightest touch shows affection to a partner and it could be a kiss or holding their hand to resting your head on them or anything small- it just says "I'm here with you" in the cutest way

If you think this might help you then let your partner read it with you and talk about what they would like to do more of. Remember nothing sexual at this point. Any of these could lead to more but it's about feeling close and not having that pressure. 

For partners don't presume these things will lead to more. If you try to make a move every time your partner wants to cuddle or hold your hand they might end up wanting to run away. Mental illness can change everything for a person. I didn't want to be cuddled or talk to much or be around anyone at certain times but my partner needed me to do that for him and our relationship. He understood how I felt but at the same time felt pushed away. Work at it together and you'll come through it a stronger couple.

Much love,

Becky xx