Thursday, April 28, 2016

10 Ways To Get Intimacy Back

Let's get personal! Mental illness, mood changes and stressful situations can put strains on relationships. Depression and anxiety and the medication that goes with them can also lower your sex drive. Along with your partner seeing you go through something so tough and in most cases while you are pushing them away, it can get hard for both of you. A strong relationship will survive and in time you will feel close again, if not even closer for going through a tough time together. So how can you make sure you're still being intimate with you partner without the pressure of having sex?
  1. "I love you"- are you still telling your partner that you love and appreciate them? Sometimes actions speak louder than words but make sure you are vocal about how you feel either verbally, in a text, in a letter
  2. turn the tv off and put down your phone- cuddle up on the sofa together even if it's in silence and just be together without any distractions- a conversation might begin or you might just sit in silence holding hands
  3. do the small things together- whether it's the washing up or doing the grocery shop together you're working as a team and helping each other out
  4. pillow time- lay together in bed and look into each other's eyes- this can get emotional for some people when times are tough and you can see sadness in someone's eyes but it helps you feel connected
  5. sleeping positions- laying back to back, cuddling up, hooking your legs, anything that's close and skin to skin is always more intimate and can be comforting
  6. the magic cup of tea- small gestures when you're at your worst mean so much to the other person and if they know how you're feeling they'll appreciate the effort it took
  7. backrubs- you don't have to be an expert at massage, rubbing someone's back can be really comforting
  8. sharing is caring- it;s built into us by animal instinct that if someone shares food with you then they care for you, sharing food, drink, your pillow, a blanket, your hoody are all little ways to say "I want you to have this too"
  9. opening up- trying your best to explain how you feel, sharing a thought or a memory, being vulnerable in conversation are all ways to build a connection with a loving partner
  10. love taps- the slightest touch shows affection to a partner and it could be a kiss or holding their hand to resting your head on them or anything small- it just says "I'm here with you" in the cutest way
If you think this might help you then let your partner read it with you and talk about what they would like to do more of. Remember nothing sexual at this point. Any of these could lead to more but it's about feeling close and not having that pressure. 

For partners don't presume these things will lead to more. If you try to make a move every time your partner wants to cuddle or hold your hand they might end up wanting to run away. Mental illness can change everything for a person. I didn't want to be cuddled or talk to much or be around anyone at certain times but my partner needed me to do that for him and our relationship. He understood how I felt but at the same time felt pushed away. Work at it together and you'll come through it a stronger couple.

Much love,
Becky xx


Steven Williams said...

One of my major issues is I always feel undeserving of love. I seem to sabotage any relationship that I get involved in. Just feel I'm not worthy of a women's love. Of course I never talk about relationships as well

Becky said...

although a mental illness will tell you otherwise sometimes everybody deserves to be loved. remember what you have to offer someone too