After a road trip today I came home rather tired and had a lovely bath. I felt so much better after it. It got me thinking about a link that has been made to depression and neglecting personal hygiene. Many people will know this stage of depression. In my first few weeks I'm afraid to say that I was a complete mess due to this.
My hair became knotted and greasy as I hadn't brushed or washed it. I brushed my teeth once a day at the most and some days just gargled mouthwash instead which made my gums bleed and red. I used baby wipes instead of having a bath and really struggled to eat and drink a decent amount. I also used to get to the point that it was so physically painful to hold in a wee that only then would I go to the toilet and leave my bed.
With my husband's help I'd have a bath. The bath made me feel quite vulnerable, I'm not sure why but I didn't like being in it. My husband had helped me getting in and out as I felt very weak and dizzy at this time. I just wanted to be wrapped in a towel in the bath and sleep. I was so tired. I washed my hair a little but it really took all my energy. My husband helped dry me and I put on my pj's and went back to lie down with soaking wet hair. I never got around to drying my hair and just needed to rest.
It wasn't that I couldn't be bothered or didn't care. It made me feel worse that I was such a mess and yes I had noticed. I just had no energy and wanted to be laid down. My head felt too heavy for my body, I was dizzy and tired, I was in pain and I kept losing my balance. What a state!
So why would I want to tell you this? I'm disappointed and embarrassed in myself by this but I'm not ashamed. It's a common stage of depression that I have heard many people talk about. I wanted you to know that you are not alone for the people that have experienced this. I wanted to end stigma and talk about mental health issues honestly no matter how embarrassing I find a subject. I want you to know that mental illness sucks but it does get better.