Feeling Desired
Many of us feel insecure, worthless, ugly, unwanted as part of a mental illness. These thoughts can manifest and take over. For many of us we will brush off compliments or disbelieve them, for others we may see them as a most wanted experience. This could be a flirty advance from someone, a declaration of love or someone showing a sexual interest. Something that gives the feeling of being wanted, being desired, being sexy or beautiful. It's a very animal instinct to be desired and to have and want sex. This maybe a much needed boost for some people but this all depends on who the attention is coming from. If it is a partner, a trusted friend that feels more for you or someone you feel that way towards then it can be a pro. If it is someone taking advantage or trying to get what they want out of you then it can backfire greatly and leave you feeling more unwanted and rejected than before. If it is someone that makes you feel uncomfortable remember that you are not there to please people that don't show you respect and love and even if they do you still need to be attracted and consenting.
Is It Love?
Sometimes that feeling mentioned above of being desirable and wanted becomes almost addictive which for some people leads to either an obsession or attachment to that feeling. A one night stand or short term sexual relationship can become a crutch and be mistaken for love. A new blossoming relationship moving forward quickly may work out well in the long run or may leave the relationship being very one sided. My advice would be to be up front! For me I'd rather be open and jump in at the deep end. I'd rather say "I love you" and not hear it back than to keep quiet and hope we're on the same page. By understanding where each other stands you can decide whether it is right for you to carry on together.
Playing Dangerous for Excitement
We can't deny that sex is both pleasurable and exciting. Whether it's trying something new with your partner of 20 years or the first time with someone. This can also be what some people become addicted to. They will push boundaries as far as they can go to get that thrill. This can be great for a relationship with two people on the same page but can have some setbacks. You may try something you regret such as involving another person in your relationship, appearing with your partner on a website, something more risky and find that either one of you or both of you regret it. It maybe that you find you are quite different and one person is offended by the new ideas making them feel inadequate. It maybe you no longer enjoy sex and nothing feels good enough. The best thing to do is talk. Talk about what you both want, what you hope to get from it and take time to think it through if it is something very different from what you normally do. Or go back to basics and learn to enjoy the simpler things.
For others they may find excitement from affairs, one night stands, visiting brothels, meeting up with strangers online and this is where it can get very dangerous. Think to yourself if you are putting yourself in an unsafe situation or whether there could be major consequences that could come from what you are doing. Can people get hurt? Is it legal? Is it dangerous? Could you be at risk? Does someone you trust know where you are going?
Guilt Trip
Guilt is a terrible feeling of regret and can be consuming. This could be guilt from a meaningless relationship, an affair, an experience you regret. Again ask yourself these questions: is this what I really want? Can someone get hurt from this? Is this safe?
Escape From Reality
Sex is one of those moments when you can switch off and be in the here and now. You can feel pleasure, enjoyment, excitement, love and so much more. This is providing that you are with the right person, doing what you both enjoy. If you enjoy a number of relationships and that works for you, if you are in an open relationship, a swinger, a couple that invites others in, a user of escorts/brothels just make sure you are happy, you are safe, you both consent, you feel good afterwards, it is legal, you are having your needs met and feel satisfied in what you gain from your experiences. For me I can say that nothing feels better than being with my husband and that the longer you are with someone the more you just zing! That's the best way to put it.
Stay safe and stay sexy!
Much love,
Becky xx
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