Sunday, January 17, 2016

OCD & Generalised Anxiety Disorder- Guest Post

I'm starting a bloody revolution here now!!! We are ending stigma attached to mental health TODAY! We are squashing myths and embracing the mental illnesses we have. I asked my wonderful friends if they would share their stories about their own mental health. My amazing friend (who you really all should have one just like) had the balls to reply with this story. It takes a lot to say "this is me" and they did. I couldn't be prouder. Here is their story...

I have OCD and GAD (generalised anxiety disorder). My brain won't turn off and it isn't very kind. Every moment of the day I am fighting a thought or worry. They become all consuming, that's when I get the compulsions. It starts with touching something in a certain way "if I touch that seven times my baby won't get hurt" "if I dig my nails into my hand we won't crash the car". It has got to the point where I know these compilations aren't actually going to stop these things from happening but a silly part of my brain won't let me not do it. 

It is frustrating and takes up a lot of my time. I cried the other week and had a panic attack in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) because the lady I see asked me to say she was going to have a heart attack. I couldn't say it because I feel if it did happen it would be my fault. She asked me to say a mean thing about her, I couldn't I worried she might hurt herself because of my words. I am at the point where I don't want to upset anyone or say anything that could happen because somewhere in my head I feel I make things happen. I know I don't, that's the frustrating thing. 

I am now worrying that this is written badly and isn't going to help anyone it's just going to hinder and raise questions. I need to get over that, so I will be posting this without re reading what I have written. One last point: OCD doesn't mean I wash my hands none stop, it doesn't mean I iron my bedding, it doesn't mean I have everything alphabetised. It means I have a part of my head that controls me, it shows me awful things that might happen, it replays things I have seen, it tells me I am dangerous, it makes me check and move things by a millimetre so they "are right", it makes me kiss my husband and son in a certain way to keep them safe, it means I can't use the sun visor in the car, it means I can't use the toilet with the shower curtain closed, it stops me from relaxing, it is tiring, it makes me scratch without realising until I bleed, it stops me from living in the moment, it means every meal has 21 grinds of pepper in it, it means I feel I can never complete anything, it makes me feel a failure. 

I know this isn't depression, it's like going on a forum about knee pain and then talking about having a lazy eye. I just wanted to try and share something, and maybe it will help others like the lovely Becky has. I have a bracelet my husband got made for me. I read it every day: Be kind to yourself it's good for your health. I try to live to that. I try so hard it makes me feel I am failing sometimes. Ironic I know.

Love and peace to you all.

JUST WOW! I love you and respect you for this and in general anyway because you are superhuman person of loveliness. This person I can tell you is a truly wonderful person inside and out! Now they are in my army (non violent of course) joining the revolution!


Much love,
Becky xx