Another week, another sick note.
As much as I try to keep going and in some cases this can help me to get through things, I have now learnt to recognise a bout of anxiety that can be worked through and a burn out. This is burnt out time.
I'm still tired from the panic attack on Tuesday which yes I should of recovered from that now but a sudden stand alone panic attack that came after a long time without any comes with questions and realisations.
I've known this has been a tough year but it came with so much happiness too. A lot went well this year admist a lot going wrong. Things were going so well with relationships and work that I felt it shielded me from the onslaught around it.
But now in context when I look at this year I've had a lot to deal with in all categories. Health, family, relationships, parenthood, finances, living arrangements, diet, exercise. Every area has had some form of struggle. I didn't want to overly share because its not about comparisons. I wouldn't want someone to read this and think 'wow that's way more than what I have going on, I shouldn't feel like this' or 'wow thats nothing compared to me, if shes struggling with that I have no hope of getting through my stuff'.
This used to be my thoughts years ago. I always felt I should be grateful and there are millions of people who have it so much worse that I guilted myself to feeling bad about being not ok.
Another lesson I have learnt is you are allowed to feel. You allowed to struggle. You are allowed to react. You are allowed grace and time to process and heal. You are human and your emotions and feelings matter. You are allowed to not be ok
Much love,
Becky xx
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