Well good morning. I always wondered how I could sleep so much and still feel tired at times. But I was also that person that could lay awake all night and survive and a few hours sleep. I suppose if you worked out my nights of struggling to sleep, the odd danger nap and the times I conpletely shut down and snooze for hours they might average out at 8 hours a night somewhere.
But the thing I've learnt with sleep in you can't bank it and you can't catch it up. Sleeping 12 hours on Monday and 4 hours on Tuesday does not add up to two good nights of sleep. It still equals over sleeping on Monday and not getting enough on Tuesday. Sometimes the body does need more sleep to heal and tiredness and fatigue can be a symptom of most mental illnesses but so can restlessness and insomnia.
It can be a vicious cycle of not sleeping, burn out, crash, over sleep, too awake to sleep and round and round we go. My sleep pattern has never been normal as such. I stopped napping at 9 months old (sorry mum), would often be awake til 1am as a child and then struggle to get up for school and it continued through life. I'd have nights where I could get 2 hours sleep and be up early and playing sports all day and times when I'd sleep for over 12 hours and be tired all day and in bed early the night after. I've always felt like my natural sleep pattern didn't match the rest of the world. If bed times could be between 2am and 10am and work and all appointments started around noon that would be amazing. I don't think it will catch on though.
There's a lot I've tried and I mean loads! There's many rules I break too. All the science points to screens been bad for sleep yet the only way for me to sleep from childhood to now when I'm restless is to watch something and the light makes my eyes tired. I don't know why it works for me but it does. Maybe its habit? Have I sleep trained myself to need a screen?
Fresh air knocks me out when camping, usually, but I have had nights in a tent starring into darkness wondering why it's not kicking in this time.
I've tried diets and exercise programmes. I've had sleep gummies and supplements. I curated the perfect sets of sleep wear, bedding and night time skin care. The hot bath before bed. Journalism and thought dumping before attempting to sleep. And what I found is...
Sleep is not my forte. I'm just not very good at it, or sometimes I'm too good at it but then I can't stop when needed.
So I came to the conclusion of not beating myself up about it. I know what to do now to rush a morning and be vaguely on time, to still get things done that needed doing, to stay awake at work when I'm ready to nod of mid sentence, I'm even getting better at covering the dark circles under my eyes. But laid in bed telling myself I'm useless, unorganised, can't function and less of an adult, I've just given up on. I've given up looking at the clock and thinking if I can fall asleep in the next 13 minutes it will be 3.30am and I can still get 4 hours before my alarm goes off. I've said no to all those appointments that can squeeze me in at 8am. Friends and family know I'll meet them for brunch but never breakfast. I've adapted.
And yes if its vitally important I can be there at 7am if I need to be. But I won't be bright eyed, bushy tailed and well rested. I'll need a take out drink, something to eat at some point and people to not look too closely at me until I've snuck off to brush my hair out of the messy bun I slept in and drawn my brows on.
But the people who love me don't mind and everyone else's opinions are no concern of mine.
Much love,
Becky xx
No comments:
Post a Comment