Complimentary Science

"You are beautiful." 
"Your work is amazing." 
"You've achieved so much." 
"Good job." 
"I like your top." 

Anybody getting uncomfortable yet or are you just enjoying these?! Today I'm setting you a mini challenge: say out loud a compliment to yourself and then compliment someone else.

Motivate

People who are motivated will achieve more, complain less, feel a pride in their work and generally feel more able to complete tasks, whether they be at work or school or just generally in daily life. Compliments are what our brains see as social rewards, they are like a payment for your contribution. We all know when we are doing something well and receiving a compliment affirms that and shows appreciation of our efforts.

Researchers at the University of Tokyo, Nagoya Institute of Technology and the National Institute of Physiological Sciences found that when we receive a personalised and individual compliment whilst performing a task that we will perform better than those that don't. Teachers and tutors know this works well too. Leaving an individual comment on pieces of work or a positive comment can help both children and adults to have a boost in confidence and focus on their work, as well as building relations and giving them a little buzz of happiness.

So whether it be your staff, children, partner, workforce give them a personalised compliment to show your gratitude and acknowledgement of their good work.

Boost Mood
By complimenting others or the things around us we automatically give ourselves a mood boost as we are noticing the good, positive and beauty around us. BUT when our compliments are knocked back e.g. you: "your hair looks great" them: "it's not the colour I wanted, can you see it's all dull" then this takes away any positivity. It leaves us feeling negative and in a way makes us feel as though we are wrong or made a poor judgement. If we still believe we are right it can feel confrontational.

Giving and receiving compliments is a social skill that can build relationships, so next time someone compliments you smile and say thank you or even better compliment them back. Absorb the compliment. Someone might say something lovely to you and inside you want to respond with "I don't think so" but don't. Leave the negativity silenced, take in the compliments and feel the positivity. 

Build Relationships
If you have a friend, partner, child, colleague that's unconfident or can be negative to themselves make a big deal of complimenting them on themselves and the things they do. Small children love positive reinforcement and that doesn't change much as we grow older.

It's just nice too! When people are sincere and say something nice to us we automatically feel drawn to them and more comfortable. OK so we've all had a creepy compliment or one that's made us uneasy but that's not the majority.

Be Positive
Feelings of low self-worth, negativity, low self-esteem, lack of trust and feeling a pressure to live up to others expectations are all reasons why some people can find receiving a compliment so awkward. If they are upset about the appearance of their home and somebody says it looks nice it feels like a lie or sarcasm, they also might of wanted to not have attention drawn to it. So how do we overcome this? 

Compliment yourself! Each morning when you brush your teeth think of one thing you like about your appearance and one thing you like about your home. When you go to bed think of one thing you did that day that you thought went well. No matter how small these positive comments will build up and give you that little bit more confidence. You can also do things that you know you are good at to give you that little boost. If you are a brilliant singer then sing and focus on how it makes you feel knowing you have done something well. We all have strengths and weaknesses and if you can feel good about your strengths you are more likely to challenge your weaknesses.

Much love,
Becky xx

Needy Triangle

There's another side to me that's a little bit geeky! I love to learn. Whilst at university we looked at one particular theory that always fascinated me. It was something that came back into my mind when I started to think about my mental illness recovery and how I could prevent (as far as possible) another breakdown. That theory is by Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) and his Hierarchy of Needs. The theory looks at what a person needs in order to function at their full potential and how when needs are not met a person cannot be the best version of themselves. Imagine you are at the bottom of the triangle and you need to work your way up through each level. You cannot skip levels and will struggle to obtain anything in the higher levels without the lower levels being met. The belief behind the theory is that these needs are what helps people stay motivated and that we naturally strive to meet these levels when deprived; such as feeling thirsty the longer you go without water.

The level of needs are as follows....

So how does this relate to mental illness?

I believe from this theory that mental illnesses chip away at the triangle. Let's say you are at the top level and then suffer with mental illness. You begin to lose sleep and have less appetite, you feel paranoid or uneasy, relationships become affected, you doubt yourself, you don't enjoy the things you used to, you don't feel like taking part. Each level of the triangle becomes affected. So to help conquer your mental illness you need to refuel your triangle!

You can't fill your triangle and that's job done. You need to do this daily, sometimes several times a day. You might be at your peak working on something creative and begin to struggle with the task. If you were to stop and look internally you may realise you are thinking about an argument you had with a friend or are beginning to feel hungry. This then affects your ability to be at your peak. You may be able to carry on and remember that many people achieve greatness when deprived of some of their basic needs but prolonged deprivation can greatly affect your chances to reach your full potential.

Now when I feel that I am starting to struggle I think of this Hierarchy of Needs. I look at my very basic needs- concentrating on sleep, eating small meals, keeping hydrated, I have my home and intimacy. I remind myself I am safe and not at risk. I make sure I am showing attention and love to friends and family. I self-praise and reflect on what I have achieved (even the smallest of things.) Then I concentrate on myself and look at what I can improve.

The example I have used is Maslow's original theory. Later three more levels were added so that after Esteem came Cognitive Needs (knowledge), Aesthetic Needs (balance and search for beauty) and after Self-Actualisation came the highest level of Transcendence (helping others achieve Self-Actualisation). I will look at this improved theory in a later post.

The main lesson we can learn from this is when you begin to struggle try to concentrate on meeting your basic needs. It gets you started on the triangular path to your highest potential!

Much love,

Becky xx