I haven't written any lyrics or poetry in a while and it used to be my go to release and hobby at one point. During childhood and my teen years I would sit and write for hours. A few nights ago I decided to try and put something down on paper. Just as it used to be I start to write and quickly it all comes out. I go into a blur and know I'm writing but not the words I'm putting down. Then I can read it back as if it isn't my own work. It's not until I've finished and reread my writing that I know what came out. I then look for a meaning. This was how I used to understand what was going on in my mind. Here's what came out...
Can you see my bones?
Are they beautiful inside?
Can you see me now?
I’m trying not to hide.
I see you looking through me,
I want you to understand,
I want you to look inside me,
There's no need to hold my hand.
I can’t stand the lie in my smile,
I don't know her in the mirror,
That’s not the me I know,
The girl I see I fear her.
Then I see your rainbow,
I know how much I can love,
I know we care about me,
I feel that you’re above.
I’m you inside my heart,
So I look at my reflection,
I see you shining through me,
And your love is my protection.
You may have your own take on this but for me I know that I am asking people to recognise that I am grieving and that bereavement lead to my mental state. Because the person I am grieving for is also the reason I carry on it leaves me in two states:
- knowing I am struggling without them
- knowing I can carry on because I had them in my life